"It is what it is" and Toxic Resilience
What federal workers and others are facing and how to do better
Hello there!
There’s a lot we can’t control at work—from big things like budgets and layoffs to the daily grind and the inevitable conflicts that come up. But how we treat each other when we’re in pain? That’s in our control. And, especially in the federal government these days, we’re getting it wrong.
My latest piece in Psychology Today is about how too often we brush off real pain with a shrug—“It is what it is”—or other phrases that slip into toxic resilience.
The State Department recently made this mindset official policy, relabeling workplace emotional strain as “ordinary tribulations.” As if a lack of empathy should be the baseline.
I’ve felt this firsthand. Early in this administration, I posted in our office chat that I was struggling—hoping to create space for others to feel seen, too. The response? A formal reprimand. Ouch. Another colleague was told she needed to work on “assuming positive intent.”
How can we do better?
Read it here
