From a Calling to a Calculation

Grieving What We’ve Lost in Public Service

After 15 years in government, I’m stepping away. Not because I’ve stopped believing in serving the public, but because this administration is trying to trivialize it. On my first day outside of government I want to take a moment to grieve what we’ve lost.

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There was a time when being a government employee meant more than who signed your paycheck. It was a calling. There’s even a whole field of study dedicated to it: Public Service Motivation. Nerdy kids like us didn’t fantasize of sports stardom, but, somehow, dreamt of red tape and meetings-to-plan-future meetings. Sure, we sometimes got lost in the process, but the heart was real.

But in this administration, I’ve watched pragmatic calculations crowd out public service motivation. People are still drawn to the mission but they’re asking if it’s worth the daily toll. And who can blame them? When psychological safety, care, and a shared sense of purpose fray, even the most committed start to question how long they can stay.

• Psychological safety, the foundation of any healthy workplace, has been hollowed out. In its place: menacing “What Did You Do Last Week” emails and a rushed return to office that felt like a strategy to wear people down, one unnecessary commute at a time.

• Care has become rare. Town halls gloss over layoffs. Managers skirt empathy for fear of consequences. Employees fired through a disabled badge, then later asked to return, as if they should feel grateful, not dehumanized.

• And mission? It used to be the north star. But then came “The Fork” and tweets that mocked the idea that anyone could believe in the work. Worse was silence from leadership. When I asked my leadership at a staff meeting if they even wanted us to stay, his response was silence.

Now, more and more federal employees just keep their heads down. It’s painful to see people who once lit up with purpose now shrug and say, “Well, it’s just a job.”

A symbolic dead end at GSA

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I wanted to help the new appointees see what was happening to the agencies they were entrusted with. I published two anonymous op-eds and my public writing sounded the alarm, too. I sent emails to my agency’s administrator with ideas like town halls to talk about mental health instead of gloating about program cuts. I pushed to restore affinity groups, like the Mindful GSA community I co-led, to bring back a little humanity. I pitched a single telework day per pay period as a way to support the “innovation” they kept saying they valued. And yes, I even suggested a Take Your Dog to Work Day. Desperate times, right? 🐕

Unsurprisingly, nothing changed. But you may be surprised to hear that GSA’s Deputy Administrator and Chief of Staff met with me and listened. When I shared why the silence during Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride months was damaging, they thanked me. But they were operating within a mindset that treats public service like any other job. Case in point: GSA’s “gainsharing” program, which offers employees a cut of the money saved by deleting programs, as if that were the point of public service.

This is what I mean when I say public service has become a calculation. Leaders seem to believe the daily indignities don’t matter, that they can erode trust and purpose to push people out, and still keep the rest motivated with a new incentive program. But that’s not how it works. Real motivation comes from being respected, supported, and reminded why the work matters. If we want people to choose service, we have to make it a choice worth making.

My own calculation was that it no longer was, that I can better serve as a writer and facilitator on the outside. Others are doing their own math, balancing the psychological toll, finances, family, and the change they still hope to make from within. For the sake of our country, I hope many choose to stay. But it saddens me that staying is now about endurance, not purpose.

The scales will balance again one day…

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I’m not giving up. I’m stepping away to live the values that no longer feel welcome under this administration: kindness, authenticity, and purpose.

In my final weeks, I relished the human moments. Conversations with security guards. Lingering hugs and solidarity around the microwave. Even affirming the things that GSA’s leaders were getting right. Those small acts of care reminded me what public service should feel like.

But like any loss, this one deserves to be felt. Because grieving is how we honor what made public service a calling in the first place. And maybe, by naming what’s been lost, we can start to find our way back to it.

—Alex Snider
Public Servant, former and always